Filed under: business, comedy, cosplay, culture, entertainment, humor, love, media, mormon, music, pop culture, space, video
Of course Best Week Ever got to it a long time ago. But I can honestly say I didn’t steal it from their site. I stole it from Bitch Magazine. Sorry. The iSlanket hasn’t been made. Yet. But now they know how to get the elderly or cult oriented to buy one. I wonder it the 800 number still works?
Filed under: carny life, catholic, christian, christianity, christians, church, conservative, culture, debate, faith, god, islam, jehovah's witness, jesus, judaism, mormon, muslim, passover, peace, politics, rant, relationships, religion, republican, the great american god complex
See also Drink the Easter Beer
Courtesy of Cousin Avi
The hammer theme continues courtesy of Jesus of the Week. I tried to include the picture but it was disabled at the source or something. The picture is here.
And a delightful video for those of you too lazy to read or click a link. Since when is Samuel L. Jackson not God?
Note to the religious, Christian, Muslim etc. I’m pretty sure a few of us would have a problem with Jesus or Muhammad (If in fact they existed. If they were in their right minds. They might have been nice fellows.) but for your claims of ultimate rights. The truth is there is no way to prove either did exist, much less their claim of divinity. You don’t know God’s will. You just believe you do. Get it?
So to hear your complaints about descrimination regarding a character from a book you read (more often than not, what you are taught and not anything you read) is a little hard to accept. And it gets old very fast. You are allowed to believe whatever you want provided:
1) you don’t tie the world’s fate to your delusions.
2) you don’t bother others with it
Otherwise you’ll have no complaints from us.
Despite your superpowers and place in the grand scheme of things, you still must work, sleep and act like normal people. No matter how special you think you are. Please shut up and let the rest of us get on with trying to improve our collective lots.
Being paranoid and arrogant is a lot of things, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a basis for spiritual life much less an organized religion.
Good Tuesday to you.
Filed under: TV, christian, christianity, christians, church, comedy, conservative, culture, easter, faith, family, holiday, holidays, humor, islam, jehovah's witness, jesus, judaism, media, mormon, music, muslim, passover, politically correct, pop culture, religion, republican, television, video
I don’t know about you, but this is exactly what most country music sounds like to me. A nonsensical word salad organized like a Mad Lib, set to terrible music. Such as it is with Easter. Another American holiday cobbled together from various non-Christian tradition and cultures, paved over and shallacked by good ol’ American commercialism.
Sincere happy Easter greetings should you be bothered with such things. Happy greetings to other semi-related monotheistic holidays that are important to your culture for whatever reason. Celebrate by sleeping in. Or with a jar o’ beer. In church. Or wherever you plan to attend. You know your just going to be drunk anyway. Drinking before service just indicates good time management skills. You know I’m right. That second beer is telling you so.
Otherwise please indulge in all the other traditional trappings of any good manufactured American holiday. That is:
Sleep late
Drink the Easter Beer
Eat until you’re sick
Eat too much in general. The Easter ham or other non Kosher items (Goyim only) . The less Kosher the better. And as much as you can.
Fight with your family
Don’t go to church (unless you’ve already had the Easter Beer. Then please go. No more than once a year. If that).
Whether you go to church or not, wear the tradition church uniform. For God’s sake don’t forget the uniform - polyester. Pastel colors prefered. But polyester is required. The video is pretty much instructional on that.
Chocolate Jesus by Tom Waits
Well I don’t go to church on Sunday
Don’t get on my knees to pray
Don’t memorize the books of the Bible
I got my own special way
I know Jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall down on my knees every Sunday
At Zerelda Lee’s candy store
And beer. Please have a good day.
Filed under: TV, antifeminism, catholic, christianity, church, conservative, democrat, family, feminism, god, jesus, love, mormon, news, politics, quiverful, quiverfull, religion, republican
As we know, we live in troubled times. Our Bible commands that we be fruitful and multiply. For some on the right that means be hateful and vilify. The rest don’t seem to notice the difference.
Speaking of hateful & villainous, why is Ann Coulter still single? Why is Fred Phelps married? You’d think that two attractive role models would have married and divorced several times already? They might of found each other via Sean Hannity’s sites, Hannidate. Which sounds a lot like “Any Date” (Which is also correct). The idea of a dating site for conservatives sounds like something made up by Howard Stern. He and Hannity do attract the same demographic. This is to say: losers (More specifically: N.Y. area losers who aren’t that “conservative” over the mutant DNA pool in which they may get to swim). When they won’t even have you, we’ve got the dilemma of a still single Ann Coulter. I think we can do something about this.
Fred Phelps is married for some reason. He has 13 kids so he is must be a strong adherent to the especially creepy Duggernaut Quiver full (or Maury Povich) philosophy of baby havin’ (OK. Added to what he already believes - More creepy). I don’t think that should stop anyone from trying. This is the political party of Newt Gingrich…
Married 3 times. Divorced his first wife while she lay in her hospital bed from cancer (she recovered). Cheated on the rebound wife (#2) with a congression aid while trying to impeach Bill Clinton for doing the same thing. He just converted to Catholicism (for beggars can’t be choosers) and somehow they had his second marriage annulled. His politics are about as big as a mess. He wants to run for president in 2012. Beats John Edwards by a mile. It’s a sad day for family values when this is allowed, even overlooked by our quality heroes on the right. On the other hand, I’m not sure what Ann’s waiting for.
Inspired by the fertile mind of Super Jesus I’d like to everyone to help out on this one. I’d like to see her become the Google Mistress of a phrase that suits her so well. We also want Ann to pluck up the courage to give her soul mate a call.
In order to move things along, it’s important that for now on, everyone refers to Ann Coulter as Mrs. Fred Phelps. You should use it everywhere you go; Church meetings, family gatherings, online comments/ forums, or where ever you think it’s most appropriate. Work it into as many conversations as you can. I’d like to see her own this particular title. Freddie Phelps will be so smitten with her they’ll have to get together.
Yes their coupling will bring on the Apocalypse but so what? Come on people, have a heart. What’s more romantic? Two people finding each other or the end of the world? Does it matter when it’ll be one and the same? Not according to the Bible. Fred, Ann and The Christian Church are counting on it to justify their rhetoric and usher in the deaths of billions. Just like a quiver full marriage it’s based on everyone’s life as as miserable as possible. Who says Christianity isn’t based in reality? The future Mrs Fred Phelps will thank you.
UPDATE:
Iowa and Vermont just legalized same sex civil unions. Ted Haggard now has a shot at the lovely and talented Mr Phelps. He could be the new Mrs Phelps! Now if we can get them all converted to FLDS we’d have something there. The perfect conservative Christian family, the fulfillment of end-time prophesy, billions in Hell and a reality show worthy of Rock of Love with the nasty Bret Micheals. Everyone’s happy!
Filed under: business, carny life, culture, entertainment, humor, mash up, pop culture, psychology, relationships, technology, television, transhumanism
I resent the fact that the elderly are further trying to steal my style by wearing a hearing aid that looks just like my cool Blue Tooth. No one looks goofy wearing one of those. Especially Nichelle Nichols, seen here using her Loud n’ Clear at a round of midnight Bingo.
Don’t they already have that cool “walking around and talking to yourself” thing for themselves? Do they have to flaunt it? Isn’t that just vain? Wasn’t the Snuggie enough? The freedom to hear and be warm, arms free while eating chicken wings? I can’t wait for the day I catch someone walking around the supermarket, wearing a Snuggie and talking to themselves (or maybe someone on an actual Blue Tooth, it’s sort of hard to tell). If they are not actually schizophenic and / or not on the phone with someone I’d like to give him/her a good piece of my mind.
You know it’s only a matter of time before the two are packaged along with the Jitterbug large print telephone. It’ll be featured in AARP magazine and it’ll make a fortune. You heard it here first. If you heard it at all.
