George Washington Dirt Napped Here

There is an ancient American method of president zombification that’s been lost to us over the years.  According to legend, George Washington’s family had the option of using it on him when he died but they declined.

It’s a good thing for George.  First thing that’d have happen was that he’d be whisked off & water boarded until we got to the bottom of that cherry tree thing.  He violated his father’s private property rights, you know.  George’s Dad could not be a free citizen with out his fucking tree. 

But this is an election year, so there will be lots of unholy incantations over whatever dead president du jour did, didn’t do or would have wanted.  And all of their talk conjures something worse than any zombie could ever be, corrupting the living instead of the dead.  At least we can take out a zombie with a shotgun full of fun.  We’ve got to tolerate the rest.  But it is 2012.  The way things are going we’ll probably get both.

And for those who don’t get the title reference. Historic: Here. Pop culture trope: Here.

Horsepersons of the Apocalypse of the Multiverse(s)

Mardi Gras beads with designer clothing.  These women were ahead of their time.

In the multiverse there is nothing that arguing, hugging it out or big hair can’t solve.

Part of me wondered how multiple iterations of the Horsemen (or “Horse-Persons”) of the Apocalypse could exist within the same general time frame, albeit different channels, days of the week over a two decade period?  Answer: They are multiversic representations of the same entities broadcast on television from their respective multiverses, picked up by the networks for our prime time entertainment.  That made more sense.

In at least two cases there is a 5th member.  As there can only be 4 horseman the only logical answer is that the 5th wheel is God in disguise.  Meshach Taylor & Mrs Garrett as a type of Zeus or Odin, directing events and sleeping with his / her creations.  As you can see from their tripod.com page, Charlotte Rae is already a god to someone.  It all fits.

Fortunately none have a reunion show this year so it looks like we’re all safe.  For now.

The Perfect Crime

Help! Someone help!                     Shut up, you old bag!

Seinfeld has a lot of food related episodes or in the parlance “What is the deal with all the food episodes?”  Soup Nazi, Mendies, dinner with the Ross’s, Elaine’s muffin top scheme, an entire episode dedicated to not eating  and Monk’s.  Two of them specifically deal with swirly breads: the marble rye incident and the black and white cookie.