What’s that other one?  “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out?“  Yeah that one.

That’s two He’s called to run for President of the United States of America down (Herman Cain & Bachmann), one more (Perry) to go.  And God told me to run from Rick Santorum.

Not sure why the Creator would have to stack the deck in His favor with so many candidates running in His name.  Could be He’s insecure. Could be He’s a crappy poker player, can’t tell a king or queen from a joker?  Could be everyone invoking His name is a deluded, conceded, confused a-hole?  Yes that is the answer.

In her comments about ending her presidential aspirations Ms. Bachmann said  she has “no regrets” and is looking forward “to the next chapter in God’s plan.“  Why would God have her run for President, spend millions of other people’s money in a recession just so she could lose?  Isn’t this money better spent in the private  sector or feeding the lazy but hungry poor?  Logic was never in the plan. If you think you can answer any of these questions please be my guest.

In any event she should have no regrets. She’s done even better than president. She is, in my humble opinion, America’s Next Top Dominatrix!

Michele Bachmann is Batboy Crazy

See previous year’s winner…

Debra Cagan

Sarah Palin

&

Some of these songs are, like, really old, telling us that commies have been hard at work trying to bring down The American Way since, like, a long time ago.

The Sugar Plum Fairy.  By a dead Russian dude.  See what I mean?

There are as many Christmas songs that hate Christmas as there are retailers that hate Christmas.  As a matter of fact, all the stores that say refuse to say “Merry Christmas” probably sell these devil songs to you, the true believer.  And they aren’t just devil songs because they’re from Satan but also because some of them are just freaking annoying.

(Come to think of it many of the retailers that do say “Merry Christmas!” sell these songs too.  But that’d ruin a perfectly good bit of circular logic so I’m not going to mention it. )

Mariah Carey is Christmas hate.

Is it really Christmas, Christmas hater, Andy Williams?

Nat King Cole’s soul is black as coal for this Anti-American Christmas classic.

Hell on earth.

Entertaining World War I vets. Fah! Der Bingle. Double fah!

Bad hair cuts. Has beens.  Feeding the hungry. Fah!

Of course if you don’t like, much less, love some of these songs you have no soul.  In some cases, however, it means you have immensely good taste. 

As an act of civil disobedience I’d like to recommend a visit to a neighborhood anti-Christmas bookstore.  Barnes & Noble is a good example.  Go to the Bible section & quote your favorite verse aloud.  Tell them to stop selling anti-Christmas music.  That’ll show them.  But it’s important that when you’re done you put the book back.

In all sincerety please have a good Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, Kwanza & Happy New Year to everyone from everyone @madmonq’s joint

During an appearance on CBS’s “Face the Nation,” Gingrich suggested the president could send federal law enforcement authorities to arrest judges who make controversial rulings in order to compel them to justify their decisions before congressional hearings.

Yes we probably have some activist judges across the political spectrum. But arresting judges doesn’t solve the problem. It’s a little like arresting the stupid, you know. Sure we think it’s a great idea but it is utterly impractical, impossible. And, you know, stupid.  So, you know, Newt might want to review this a bit.  Because after statements like that he’s Public Enemy #1.  Demonstrating bad judgement & stupidity.

Maybe he’ll learn just how difficult it is to be someone’s wife in stupid jail?  Especially compared to how he treated all three of his, that is.  

Helmet hair or helmet head, Newt Gingrich has a Great American God Complex.

If you have any doubt about the importance of Mr. Hitchens he might tell you the same thing.  His work, however, tells a different story.  Read any numbers of links found in a basic Google search and judge for yourself.  If there is a summation of a message within his writings it is as distinct from what is taught in American churches; Stating simply: Think for yourself. 

“Faith is the surrender of the mind; it’s the surrender of reason, it’s the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals,” Hitchens said. “It’s our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.”

As a former of the faithful and with this as with so many other things, I agree.  We can counter Hitchen’s death, any death, by thinking for ourselves & attempting agree-ability with others.  Civility & thought continue to separate us from the animals & our perceived enemies. We can do better still.

We can certainly do better than this photo, for example

I was hoping my Christmas wouldn’t end with an open can o’ on sale Black Thanksgiving whoop azz  on unsuspecting shoppers. Now I look forward to ending Santa’s reign of terror when that mother grabber goes after Grandma with his reindeer. That Rudolph is a commie with his red nose & all.

And I still say “Christmas” not “Holiday” like a good gun totin’ Christian-American Walmart greeter.

All that spy & scientific experimenting stuff was probably his midlife crisis.  He probably has a wife and kids in the Midwest somewhere waiting for him to return from the store.  

No this post is not about me, why?

Hey you kids.  Get off ma lawn, bub.

Didn’t we used to listen to this stuff to avoid old people?

I received an email from my high school reunion committee inviting me to something called a “High School Reunion.”   These are not people in high school. These are people who have graduated from high school.   The purpose is to gather as many graduates from a high school in a given year for no other reason than to make them feel uncomfortable with each other again.  I’ve got family gatherings for that. There are TV shows & websites dedicated to people doing nothing but talking about and as I understand it, attending them.  Perverse, isn’t it?  

(In real life I am not so cynical that for a moment the idea gets the best of me.  Is this morbid curiosity or do I really want to go?)

Previously the only reunions I ever considered were TV related.  Your Keatons’, Bradys’, your Cosbys’, your Gilligan’s Islands’.  I’d only watch them for reasons I assume are universal:

1) To see “old friends” and revisit old times.

2) To see if there’s any of that old chemistry.  Failing that…

3) To openly gawk at the ravages of time.

I’m not sure staring at strangers is an experience I’d pay for, more likely sit in the studio audience for.  Participating is for Jerry Springer contestants.  For anyone attending the reunion I want to assure you that it’s OK to stare at each others startling weight gains.  Other than that I’m not sure that’s enough to justify the plane ticket, costly New Jersey roadside hotel with glass chandeliers and fake marble columns reservations at $100 per plate roast beast / cherries jubilee and/or the extended false pleasantries.  Besides, I’ll probably see them again if I watch Jerry long enough.

(And fountains.  Nothing says klass like porcelain fountains!  I’d forgotten about them.)

The other sticking point is NJ.  A natural resource of Jerry contestants.  If you’ve seen Snooki, you’ve know what I mean.  Jersey Shore commercials are nearly enough to turn me orange.  The reason they slap on a coat of orange is to hide that New Jersey is just a leper colony for New York.  Don’t let the stereotypical bravado fool you.

The bright orange skin is a sign of those desperate to hold their fading youth. It is a dead giveaway.  Don’t call them The Situation.  Call them The Desperation. No Willie Wonka styled persona or promise of a lifetime supply of chocolate to offset the disturbing  Oompa-Loompas found there.  Although maybe that’s how everyone got so fat?

I like Stairway to Heaven on its own merits.  It’s great. I intensely dislike it when placed in the awkward frame of preliminary drug usage and our attempts to make it significant by playing that song. Again & again & again. An attempt to take the Rock Gods by their frilly lapels and tell them at once that we are still cool.  A notion that only a 15-year-old can take seriously.  A notion pretty much confirms you are not.  I dislike that some are still trying to prove their youth decades after the fact by drunkenly slurring the lyrics at the top of their lungs like it’s a magic spell that’ll return them to the days of simplistic optimism. To actual youth.  A time they prefer over the good things they have & good things to come.

I am still friends with a few people from high school. These are people I genuinely like and I think they manage to like me.  But I likes my past in the past. Where it’s harder to idealize.  I don’t want my memories trussed up in a party dress, hanging in a gymnasium, pinned and bloodied like Carrie White’s gym school teacher. Though that might brighten things up.  I’d still decline going, unless it’s set to music. Nah. High school already is a gothic teen horror set to music.

Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

madmonq

Building sized robots are always cool.  Always.

Quentin Quire is a jerk. 

How in the hell can they afford the drinks in that place anyway?  Aren’t they all supposed to be broke?

That’s what you get when you ask anarchists to plan something.

That said ANY day is a good day to exercise your God given right to capitalism and move your money to a friendly neighborhood credit union or bank. Use the system that millionaires & billionaires use everyday. The system politicians, lobbyist and other lawyers are using against you.

Drain them of the only power they’ve got with what little power you have: Your money.  We might be poor, working class or middle class but we’re going to do what they are incapable of. 

Stay classy.

Bank of America threatens Foreclosure over $1

V for Va Va Voom!

Yeah Ann Coulter.  All 3 of them.  Clarence Thomas, Michael Steele and Herman Cain.  And Republicans did their best to demonize then get rid of Steele as RNC head.

So that leaves them just two: Clarence Thomas & Herman Munster McCain.  By Ms Coulter’s logic, starting in the 1990s (and decades after the civil rights movement), Republicans gave an African-American male Favored Persons Status.  She should be proud but I doubt it’ll give her Log Cabin Status, more like Aunt Jemima Status:  An idiot caricature from an ancient and ignorant time that still exists to sell a product.

Aunt Jemima's Doctor Who-ish changes from the old to...

Oo Lawdy I shaw do loves me some golf courses, 'Publicans & ma-yo-naise! Yes suh I does!!!"