madmonq’s joint


The Great American God Complex

Questionnaire for all great Christians, Christian Americans, American Christians or those who do not understand these can be mutually exclusive.

Let’s get started.

How is it America is a Christian nation and is always going to hell at the same time?

How is it we have free will but are going to hell for choosing it?

If God created everything, who created evil, hell?

If God ordered everything, how is it that that his creation the Devil broke from that and caused evil?

How does George W Bush serve God/America best?  As a persecuted example of a good Christian-American or life long dictator king?

Lightning round:

As a nation of Christians which is more important?  Killing Muslims or converting them?

Why as you’re reading this are you thinking “That boy is going to h-e-double hockey sticks” instead of answering the questions?



The Bowled and the Gilded
November 4, 2007, 3:32 pm
Filed under: TV, carny life, christianity, christians, church, god, jesus, politics, religion, television | Tags: , ,

There are certain topics that I’m actively trying to avoid.  I don’t want to seem negative or repeat myself.  But with stuff like this, what am I supposed to do? 

http://www.theholylandexperience.com/

It’s just too easy.  I mean, what’s are interview question for the Jesus position?  Who’s the person in HR who had to come up with the questions, what are the qualifications?

HR Zombie:  What are your qualifications to be the Holyland Experience’s Jesus?

Applicant Jesus: Well.  I was raised as a Jew but converted to Christianity.  I traveled with the Jim Rose Side show for about 2 years.  And although I have more experience with hammering nails into my head than hands, I think my skill set will translate well.

HR Zombie: You’ll be crucified two times a day.  Three times on weekends and holidays.  And once a year on your performance evaluation.

Applicant Jesus:  Ah.

HR Zombie: What else?

Applicant Jesus: Well, like I said I’m a bit of a masochist.  I tend to take on too much responsibility, sometimes carry the work load of the lazier employees.  That’s kinda like taking on the sins of the world, right?  I have a overly high opinion of myself and am a bit of a perfectionist.  My step father’s name is Joseph.  I’ve dated several prostitutes like our lord and…

HRZ:  (cutting off applicant)  Uh huh.  Well, in most jobs self hatred and abuse are a frowned upon, but here they’re a plus.  As you can imagine we’ve got a lot of people applying for the position.  I’ll need you to force this crown of thorns onto your head to see if you look the part.

AJ:  Um,  OK.  Say what is this on the thorns? 

HRZ: Brain tissue.  We’ve only got one set so you’ve got to share it with the relief Jesus.  That’s not going to be an issue for you is it?  (pause)  It wouldn’t be for the real Jesus, you know.  (pause)  There are others that want this job you know…

AJ:  …I guess not.

HRZ:  Also this underwear.  Mind the frontal lobes.  OK, looks good.  Wince is natural.  Come back on Monday.  (to the administrative assistant)  Who’s next?

AA:  There’s a guy out here who’s got previous theme park experience.  He worked at Dracula’s Deadly Dungeons in Transylvania…

HRZ:  Transylvania?  Please, we are a Christian theme park.  We have to have some standards, don’t we?

AA:  He played “impaled guy #2.”

HRZ: Send him in. 

Does the park have a set entrance price or do they pass around the collection plate?  Does it count as your tithe for the week or is this extra?  What about groupies?  Why would you degrade your faith like this?  What will the other gods think? 

Owners of the Holy Land, TBN and life long lease on bad taste, Jan and Paul Crouch.  Them of the gilded and bowled hair.  The natural order’s replacement for Jim and Tammy Fay Bakker. 

May qualify as famine in the Four Horsefaces of the ApocalypseTwo down, two to go.

 



Anniversary
October 29, 2007, 11:37 pm
Filed under: carny life, relationships | Tags:

It was a few days ago. We’re both a little broke so we couldn’t get each other much. Work and school doesn’t allow time for making a present. Either way it’s the thought that counts, right?

What I got my baby:

A lovely perfume set called “Covet” by Sara Jessica Parker. It included lotion, a solid parfum compact and a bottle of parfum (obviously) . Looks like the pictures below.

She also got a large dollar value gift card to Steve and Barry. They actually have a lot of nice girl stuff there. Wow! Total cost: Doesn’t matter. A lot care and thoughtfulness, I guess. The money’s not important and she’s worth more than I could ever imagine.

What my baby got for me:

Not the hobo but the hat. A hobo’s hat. Or what looks like a hobo’s hat. It’s a fedora to be exact. You’d think there was a story behind this but their wasn’t. Without explanation, benefit of ceremony or gift wrapping I was given a hat. No other words were spoken.

I’d like to think that maybe, because it looks like a hobo’s hat, there was some challenge involved. Maybe she had to talk to them, gain their trust. Ride the rails, share a can of beans, woo him/her with her charms, or, at the very least, beat them into submission. Maybe her trials were too difficult to discuss. But no explanation was given. A hobo hat. It’s a little dirty too. But it fits.

So that’s good. I guess.



Fabulously Homeless
October 21, 2007, 3:09 pm
Filed under: carny life, media, politics, psychology | Tags: , , , , , ,
From NY Times.com

After taking a job as an instructor at Outward Bound, Ms. Rubin, along with some of her co-workers, settled into the top floor of the organization’s Long Island City headquarters. She camped out in a bunk bed; others converted nearby office cubicles into sleeping spaces, or pitched tents on the building’s roof. To create some privacy, they hung towels and sheets around their bunks.

While Outward Bound officials stress that they view these cubicles and tents as temporary housing solutions, Ms. Rubin, who has since moved to Vermont for a short while, was grateful for a free place.

While young people in New York have always sought roommates to make life more affordable, they are now crowding so tightly into doorman buildings in prime neighborhoods like the Upper East Side that they may violate city codes.

They don’t have to live in Manhattan to work there. And given this groups background, education, and career choices it looks like they don’t have to live in cramped quarters. So it’s not that they can’t find affordable housing. It’s that they can’t find affordable housing in Manhattan that they want. That’s sort of thinking can only be attributed to a lifetime of privilege and little responsibility. The kind that makes you think you’re entitled to be a fire hazard.

With a little effort they could probably afford a place of their own, with roommates, maybe even in Manhattan. What they can’t do is live in a less-than-halfway decent apartment (read: neighborhood) without it shattering their little lives. Without earning it, they still think they deserve a nice apartment in a swanky neighborhood.

Do you think they looked in Harlem? Do you think the above company would allow the janitor to sleep on premises between homes or is he/she just shit out of luck?

Homelessness is usually reserved for the truly mentally, physically and finacially disabled. Otherwise, people who squat in commercial spaces, mooch off of their friends and/or cause a fire hazard aren’t usually praised for their ingenuity. They’re usually called bums. They’re not allowed a respectable title like hobos, but bums. When the bum eats out of dumpster, is it called innovative take-out? They can buy street art (read: graffiti) as long as they don’t have to live in the artist’s old neighborhood. Beside, they wouldn’t have anywhere to put it. I’m sure their scrappy ingenuity will allow them to come up with something that’ll impose upon their friends and the others’ safety.

It doesn’t seem the article’s author or the subjects of the article had any question of their ethics. Their behavior is acceptable because they’ve been accepted their entire life. Meanwhile the building’s janitor is living in a box. Circus carney have more integrity. Like a lot of people sometimes I think the homeless are just plain lazy. Surely with a little effort they can find a place to live. But until now I’ve never had reason to think they were shallow as well. Maybe this groups mental health issues just hadn’t caught up with them and somehow they’re planning ahead.

Acute narcissism is listed in the DSM as a mental health issue. That about covers it. As of now they’re just giving the homeless a bad name.

Stolen from myself.



Andre the Giant Died for your Sins

http://www.ultimatechristianwrestling.com/

http://www.cwewrestling.net/CWE.htm

Something tells me the crowd that attends these events aren’t too different from the regular sunday crowd.

Do you think the founders of these organizations really wants to glorify their god or are they  just a exorcizing their frustrated inner wrestler?  Who are the people who would become Christians via entertainment wrestling?  The same demographic that runs the shows.  Fat guys.  I guess American churches don’t have enough of them

The events do include a six man ladder match, a no rules brawl and a bible lesson about judgement day, so maybe I’m just kidding myself.

Now these Christian wrestlers got it right…

http://www.jesus21.com/poppydixon/sports/cww.html

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
Ephesians 6:12

And the lord said
But in this case I’m willing to make an exception.

I wonder if Jello is kosher to wrestle in?



Duggernauts!

There are so many that when the kids grow up they may mistakenly date. Or maybe not so mistakenly.

I am talking about the purposeful existence of the Dugger Family and the philosophy calledquiverfull“. They believe it’s biblically mandated to have as many children as possible. I am properly creeped out.

The Duggers are up to 17. Seventeen. Each successive child just encourages them to have more. It’s God’s blessing after all. If you have any less then, of course, God hates you. I’m wondering if each blessing is like a book of green stamps. You know, after collecting so many you can turn them in for a blender. Or a personal life. I’d at least like to have the option.

Seventeen kids makes sense if you lived in an agrarian society. Someone has to work the field and you don’t have to pay them. In the Dugger’s case they are taken care of relatively well. But in modern life seventeen kids are not the Brady Bunch but a side show attraction.

Stray dogs don’t have a choice in how many puppies they have. Neither do quiverful women. Mrs Dugger should. She is presumably an active participant in the process but when you’ve got a man who wants that for you and it’s God’s will, what’s a girl to do? It’s deeply upsetting these woman are used as some sort of plantation slave not given a choice. God says so. Disagreeance isn’t an option. She is subject to the man and her body belongs to him. Despite having sex at least 17 times, something tells me it’s not really enjoyable for either of them. If they both get bored with churnin’ out chillins they would probably enjoy scatology. No doubt they’d find a biblical justification for it and it almost amounts to what they’ve got now.

Wanna have kids? Sure. Adoption? Yes. Polluting, no. The implications of birthing 17 or more republicans for Jesus smacks of the kind of mania we’re meant to be fighting in the war on terror. The kind that uses an open society against itself and brings buildings down. I’d like to think choice is the sign of an advanced, civil society. Then the Dugger’s come along and fuck it up for everyone.

Huh. Quiverful philosophy may qualify as Pestilence in the Four Horsefaces of the Apocalypse.



For Unlawful Carny Knowledge
September 21, 2007, 6:20 pm
Filed under: carny life, media, news, relationships | Tags: ,