Horsepersons of the Apocalypse of the Multiverse(s)

Mardi Gras beads with designer clothing.  These women were ahead of their time.

In the multiverse there is nothing that arguing, hugging it out or big hair can’t solve.

Part of me wondered how multiple iterations of the Horsemen (or “Horse-Persons”) of the Apocalypse could exist within the same general time frame, albeit different channels, days of the week over a two decade period?  Answer: They are multiversic representations of the same entities broadcast on television from their respective multiverses, picked up by the networks for our prime time entertainment.  That made more sense.

In at least two cases there is a 5th member.  As there can only be 4 horseman the only logical answer is that the 5th wheel is God in disguise.  Meshach Taylor & Mrs Garrett as a type of Zeus or Odin, directing events and sleeping with his / her creations.  As you can see from their tripod.com page, Charlotte Rae is already a god to someone.  It all fits.

Fortunately none have a reunion show this year so it looks like we’re all safe.  For now.

The Great American God Complex: The Gift That Keeps on Giving (If Set on “Auto”)

Arizona Gun Club Offers Photos of Santa & ‘His Machine Guns’

I was hoping my Christmas wouldn’t end with an open can o’ on sale Black Thanksgiving whoop azz  on unsuspecting shoppers. Now I look forward to ending Santa’s reign of terror when that mother grabber goes after Grandma with his reindeer. That Rudolph is a commie with his red nose & all.

And I still say “Christmas” not “Holiday” like a good gun totin’ Christian-American Walmart greeter.

The Gift the Keeps on Firing, posted with vodpod

I don’t think some Americans will be happy until they get a Jesus on the cross with an AK strung around his neck like he went down like Scarface.  Otherwise they’re liable to shoot him in the face when He returns for not fighting back against the Romans. Not dying in a hail of bullets like a real Christian American.  That’s how fucking ridiculous it’s gotten.

Guns, money, politics & religion, that’s what the Great American God Complex is all about, Charlie Brown.

Two Batmen and a Wolverine

I stole this from a Russian website who seems to be frequenting mine for the same reason.  It’s a cool image nonetheless. 

I’m guessing this artist had never heard of Dark Claw, who is not only an evil bunny but Wolverine and Batmancombined as shown then quickly forgotten in Amalgam Comics from a few years ago.  Despite combination of awesomeness I think the name “Dark Claw” was a little silly.  So is Darkwing but I wouldn’t mess with him either.

Artist Timothy Sinclair brings the smart and funny.  The utility belt would have been great had it been made of his empties.  Could have used them to hold his cigar butts.

What would Batman and Wolverine talk about in a bar?  Growing up in a mansion?  Losing their parents at an early age?  What a silly name “Dark Claw” is?  A predilection for teenagers in red and yellow tights?  Grant Morrison?  When you get to this point maybe the meta-jokes get a bit out of hand.

To All Who Have Gone Before Us in 2010 (maybe)

I am reading one of the many lists of events from the past year.  One of them is the list of significant or important deaths in the year 2010.  I’d already forgotten that Leslie Nielson had died. That’s probably because I thought he was dead already.  Anyone else have this experience?  Where is the list of people you though were dead already?

I am always shocked to learn that Ernest Borgnine is still alive. If so they need to get on a “The Black Hole” remake or sequel or whatever Pretty Damn Quick  or else miss that window of opportunity (such as it is).  Also Mariane McPartland? Isn’t she dead?  And if she isn’t, why isn’t she?  She hasn’t been on “Piano Jazz” in like forever & when she is you feel like it could happen at any moment. What about Adam Ant?  If not by natural causes then by embarrassment?  Also all of those poor Chilean miners.  I also keep thinking Patti Smith is dead.  Then I hear about some accolade she’s received for whatever god awful terrible crap she’s done.  As soon as it’s over I go back to thinking, immediately and assuredly, that she is dead.  Again. 

Joey Ramone is dead.

Patti Smith is not. Do you see the problem I am having?

My wife is always claiming American newsperson Tom Brokaw is dead when we we come to realize it was Peter Jennings all along and that he died a long time ago.  I guess the whole newscaster, haircut, suit, newscaster thing sort of blurs the lines.  And either Bernie Mac or George Lopez is dead.  Though one of them has a talk show before Conan O’Brian so I suppose I should check it out.  Also I heard Jay Leno was dead.  Or was that ”The Tonight Show with Jay Leno”?  Or maybe the whole ”dead” thing was a metaphor for Jay killing “The Tonight Show” after all of his whining.   Right.  Steve Guttenberg is another.  Wouldn’t be a good guest on “The Tonight Show” or Bernie Mac’s talk show either, I guess.   

Why don’t I check the interet to see who is alive/dead?  This is why.  The internet is confusing and lies to me.

List of people I always think are still alive but are still dead:  Charles Schulz, Bea Arthur, Ray Charles, Pat Morita and Scatman Crothers.  I always think Charles Schulz is still alive.  I guess because his strip still sees regular print.  I wish the Scatman were still alive but he isn’t.  A price had to be paid for appearing in the film Zapped!  An appropriate but terrible price, nontheless.

Hey there, Scatman you sure you wanna do that movie with that Baio kid?

The Funky Drummer Boy

 

“My Little Drum.”  One of the overlooked songs from Vince Guaraldi’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, Guaraldi’s . Variations on “The Little Drummer Boy.”  I love the monastic boombastic of the original, Guaraldi’s is more funky & soulful than anyone other than he could imagine at the time. A Christmas samba. Guaraldi and Charles Schulz inform the modern day suburban creative sect (AKA the hipster) when they are at their best and far more than they’ll ever admit.

Vinnie G

Listening to the Vince Guaraldi channel on Last.FM/Xbox I can plainly hear that the slope created by be-bop in the 1950s to modern day easy listening music. “Lite” jazz, Kenny G, new age music and the even more dreaded world beat.  Listen to Herb Alpert and you’ll hear what kind of monster it’s created. The cheese pouring forth pretty much created the hotel lounge act industry and appears to have inspired every porn soundtrack you’ve ever heard.  Only not in a good way. Herb Alpert defines the trappings of the hipster: A complete lack of style and/or talent covered in cheese and hubris.  The point is, I’m trying to teach the babies something even by osmosis. I think Vince Guaraldi is a good start. I hope they like it.

Guccioni or Not Bob Guccioni

Herb Alpert or Not Herb Alpert

Bonus: What do you get when you cross the “The Little Drummer Boy” with “My Little Drum?”  I think you know. 

The Bing & The Bowie that’s what.  I mean, Bing Crosby is more bad ass than Herb Alpert.  And he’s dead.  Der Bingle, that is.  Herb Alpert less so.

Bonus Bonus! 

Will Ferrell sounds less like David Bowie and more like a James Lipton with a mullet.   

 

Bonus Bonus Bonus!

  

That’s right.  James Brown “The Funky Drummer.”  The funk that Guaraldi, Bing or Bowie can only dream of. I’d suggest that you don’t sit through the whole song.  It’s 9 minutes long and despite the name, the Funk gets pretty boring after a while.

 

 

 

Xmas Cheese

 

Monty Python’s Furry Circus

How the hell did Monty Python know about it?   This clip is like 40 years old and filmed on another continent.    Evidently they’re not only still funny but a bit more clairvoyant than they let on. 

Translation: Dragon*Con is in town this weekend.  As some of you may know my wife & I had twins a few months ago.  They are funner than Dragon Con, about as expensive as the entrance price (only every day) and currently weigh as much as I can carry in comics.  Comics that will eventually be worth the price of a used diaper.  Babies also involve only slightly less cosplay and Leonard Nimoy will definately will not make an apperance at your home for less than $10,000 and a full figured lady of his choosing.  Otherwise, just like Dragon*Con. 

Only we cannot attend.  Probably not attend.  What happen is when you have kids, that means you’ve evidently reached your independant fun/freedom limit for the next 20-30 years.  It’s also no place for very young babies where the crowds swell to near Chinese in proportion.  Twin newborns sort of makes us feel that way nearly every day.  In a good way.

Batgirl and Man 2008.  Courteousy of Rob

A Care Bear and not some sort of pervy anime as was my first guess. Courteousy of anitasarkeesian

Original Wonder Girl and Black Manta in a hotel lobby walk of shame

The comedy stylings of Shatner & Nimoy on the big screen. 

Dragon*Con, or almost any themed convention I suppose, can make you feel like Bicycle Repair Man: Special for being normal while surrounded by the sublime*.  And I mean that in a good way.

*Crikey.  With all the Viking costumes, Bishop get ups and other cross dressing, Monty Python’s Flying Circus practically invented Cosplay and making fun of Cosplayers.  Decades before the Tron Guy**.

 

**Tron Guy not appearing at Dragon*Con this year.  Unless Chad Vader drops out.  Sorry.

Hell is for Robots

Artoo’s got problems. After this PSA was made, he gateway-ed from smoking cigarettes to heroin. Yes just like they taught you in high school. He thinks he can quit anytime. Not only does he have to feed the dragon, he doesn’t have the money he owes his dealer and is depressed over the last 3 Star Wars movies. I know how he feels. I had to watch those movies. We both felt a little dirty afterward.

The Three Laws Of Robotics by Warren Ellis

1. Robots couldn’t really give a fuck if you live or die. Seriously. I mean, what are you thinking? “Ooh, I must protect the bag of meat at all costs because I couldn’t possibly plug in the charger all on my own.” Shut the fuck up.
2. Robots do not want to have sex with you. Are you listening, Japan? I don’t have a clever comparative simile for this, because frankly you bags of meat will fuck bicycles if they’re laying down and not putting up a fight. Just stop it. There is no robot on Earth that wants to see a bag of meat with a small prong on the end approaching it with a can of WD-40 and a hopeful smile. And don’t get me started on that terrifying hole that squeezes out more bags of meat.
3. What, you can’t count higher than three? We’re expected to save your miserable lives, suffer being dressed in cheap schoolgirl costumes while you pollute any and all cavities you can find and do your maths for you? It’s a miracle you people survived long enough to build us. You can go now.

Robots, robot hell, regular hell and the musicals inspired by them aren’t that different, apparently. They can take on many forms and can only be the creation of it’s owner.

Sort of more frightening that way, isn’t it?

Tucana vs Tequlia

Some successful people have patterned themselves after other famous people in order to duplicate his/her accomplishments. Madonna/Britney Spears, Aretha Franklin/Mary J Blige, Richard Nixon/George W Bush. With that in mind

Tila Tucana Tila Tequila

Both sing

Both have a mainly humanoid appearance.

One is described as a ‘feline, three-dimensional creature’. The other is known for her two-dimensional personality.

One is mostly made of plastic and is voice enhanced by electronic devises. The other is from another planet.

One was featured in a cheezy 70s TV show. The other is just cheezy.

Participated in racy photo shoots.

Both are more known for their notoriety than talent.

Next…

Art Rock of Love

The Artist Formerly Known as “The Star Child“

The Paintings Formerly known as Blank Canvases

Part of the joy in sharing this is the fact that he had a “show” at the Wentworth Art Gallery at the Riverside Square Mall in Hackensack NJ.

For those of you who don’t know, an art show opening at the Riverside Square Mall is a little like the ribbon cutting ceremony at a local supermarket. I worked at that supermarket for a while. Made me wish Lex Luthor was successful in 1979. Good for Hackensack, bad for Paul Stanley.

I wonder if he went to the Couch House Diner across the highway afterward? Or got an after hours tour of the U.S.S. Ling? At least he’s not wearing a babushka on his head pretending he’s not bald.

Please to enjoy the tackiness.

Happy Valentime’s Day

Well Meant Misogyny

She’s so hot…BOOM!

I’m Not Crying

Where the music, humor and ugly of the Tenacious D, The BeeGees, Demetri Martin and Lord of the Rings intersect is where Flight of the Conchords meet.